Thursday, March 1, 2012

I guess I’m growing old...

On December 1st, 2001 I was forced to have all of my upper teeth pulled. Thanks to some advanced gum infections that didn’t want to heal (thanks diabetes!) all of my upper teeth became loose almost over night. So having them pulled was unavoidable but also very devastating to me.

I’m only 46 years old, I shouldn’t have to be confronted with getting dentures at my age.. Not yet. Sheesh!

You guys have no idea how hard this entire journey has been for me. I have not had any pictures taken over the past 90 days because who wants to be captured toothless? I have no desire to really remember how I’ve felt or looked for the past 3 months, either (although my daughter came to visit and did sneak a few but was kind enough to catch me with my mouth hidden.)  This ordeal has really hit my self-esteem hard. I haven’t even wanted to leave the house out of embarrassment.

All of the emotions this horrid event has caused in me (including crying jags for no apparent reason) has also bled over into most every other part of my life...I haven’t done any of the art journaling videos I want to do, I haven’t felt like being in my art journal the way I normally do, I have began really doubting my creativity and I’ve found myself so depressed and out of sorts and I believe it’s a little related to winter but it’s also related to the loss of my teeth.

I never thought I would be so happy to get dentures but yesterday I got my “new” teeth. It’s strange, for sure, and there is a huge learning curve to eating and drinking with them but I’ll get there. You don’t know how much you depend on your teeth and how intertwined our self-esteem is in those kinds of things until you lose them..

It’s only been a day but I can already tell that my mood is improving. I think that very fact will bring me back around into being my old self again. Up until now I had only told my closest family and one of my girlfriends (who has been kind enough to sorta see me through this since she’s been where I am –Thanks S) but I just felt it was important record this for myself and to somewhat explain my disappearance.

Add to that the death of my wonderful next door neighbor last Thursday! Ms. Nola was the first friend I made here. She was the kindest, most wonderful woman and, at 92 years old, she was still very young at heart. Definitely the coolest 92 y/o I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing.

Almost every single day since I have lived here, she and I had a little daily pow-wow outside our front doors. We talked about all sorts of things...art, feeding the squirrels, family, aging, just every subject under the sun. I never failed to learn something from that dear, sweet lady. In just nine months I learned so much from Ms. Nola.

I miss her each day and the void that her death has left in my life will remain for a very long time. Rest in peace, Ms. Nola...I miss you so very much.

Whew!

Too emotional right now. 

Anyway, just sharing my stuff...even though it’s not happy-happy-joy-joy. Just keepin’ it real here, ya know?.

I hope you’re all doing well, feeling artsy, having good days & good times.

Back soon.

Peace & Love,
Barb

6 comments:

  1. You've not had a very good past couple of months -- I'm sorry that you've had to deal with the death of your neighbour when you're already dealing with a personal issue.

    I'm glad you have place to express your feelings though :)

    Love your blog.

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  2. I wasn't able to get braces till I was a young adult and I will never forget the day they came off and my freedom to smile. Changed my life.

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  3. Hey girl! So glad to hear that you got your new, "Store Boughts." Sorry to hear about your friend. I also had a friend like that when I was PG with my son, who was 93. What a great time we had. She moved away before she died, and I was sad, but glad I would never know when she left this world. Time is precious, my friend. So now you can give everyone you meet a beautiful smile!!

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  4. Oh Barb---so sorry to hear what a rough few months you have had. With new teeth and with happy memories of your friend, I hope your SMILE returns!

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  5. Welcome Back!! Although you have been missed, it is certainly understandable why you would want to retreat from the world for a while. I would have done the exact same thing. Aging may be a natural part of life but that doesn't mean we have to like it when some things pop up all too soon. I am so sorry about the death of your friend. Cherish your memories of her.

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  6. “...I was forced to have all of my upper teeth pulled.”—Oh, that sounds awful, Barb! It's really hard to give a wide smile in front of the camera in that situation. The good thing is, you solved that dilemma by having your dentures so you can smile again.

    Jamar Schaffer

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Thank you so much for taking the time to drop by. I am open to any comments, questions, suggestions, critiques, etc, so lay it on me...
Peace & Love,
~Barb~

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