Friday, October 28, 2011

Finding Myself

I don’t feel in touch with much these days. I don’t know what’s wrong with me…I am just so disinterested in life, in my art, in everything! I just know that I can’t keep on sleeping almost all day. Seriously, I can sleep about 20 hours a day and still be tired.

Ugh!

Every day that passes that I don’t post, it gets easier and easier to keep not posting. Such a vicious cycle…a vicious, endless, ugly cycle..

Time to buck up, get my head off the pillow and rejoin life. As my sister once told me, fake it ‘til you make it. So that’s what I’m doing…trying to fake it until I really do feel happy again.

Not doing a real good job at faking it right now, though.

I really think it’s some sort of midlife crisis or something. I have this feeling that I need to find myself. I know, sounds corny but I really do feel it, deep down in my gut. I’m working on finding my true voice in my art…cause I’m just not sure. Nothing I have created in a long while feels right, just feels so forced and so contrived…not true and authentic…not ME.

*shrug*

I think I hate Facebook…but it’s like a train wreck, I just can’t help myself from staring.

Am I the only one that wonders why we care what some acquaintance from high school, twenty-five years ago, is doing at their 11 y/o kid’s soccer game? What is the magnetic pull that keeps us going back there? For that matter, what is it that makes us “friend” these people? I mean, they and us, both, didn’t give a crap about staying in touch so what changed just because of Facebook?

I dunno, just some of my thoughts right now.

Okay, I’ve made it back again. I just gotta hang on. do the writing, and make this whole blogging thing a pleasure again.

Cause it is, you know. A pleasure, I mean. It’s just that sometimes we get so caught up in “life” that we forget what it is to LIVE, we forget what it is that gives our lives pleasure. We can’t keep doing that. What is life without these little pleasures?

I know it certainly isn’t truly LIVING.

Peace & Love,
Barb

4 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you feel you're in a rut Barb. Life does get overwhelming, but we can't give up! Sleeping your life away is giving up.

    Why don't you try and reacquaint yourself with your art supplies... you know, get back to the basics and find what you like/love about your particular medium? Make sense?

    How about doing some work in your art journal, dealing with these issues? Challenge yourself by setting some rules... only certain colors, only collage, etc...

    You're right in that you need to suck in up and keep going. Eventually, you'll find your way, or you'll realize that you're moving in a different direction and you need to follow the new path. Either way, you gotta live girl!

    I don't know the fascination with Facebook myself. I don't play the games and I don't really care about the stuff people do... I just use it as a way to keep in touch with family and friends. I don't post unless it's something important (or I want to share some pictures lol!).

    Hang in there Barb! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. It will get better.
    Lotus

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  2. OK My friend, here goes; You are feeling sorry for yourself and that is NOT healthy At All. You started AJ II and it is a sucess. Please don't give up on your creativity, as my good friend Lotus said above! For Lotus to take the time to leave a comment for you at this time in her life means you are a very special person who is loved and valued very much by her and by all of us!! Please pick yourself up out of this rut you are in. You are loved! I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but I know that sometimes we need a swift kick in the back side to get on the path again. I get up extremely early and will call you to get you out of that bed since it will be only 8:00 to 9:00am your time;) I am sure I will receive hate mail over this comment, but I love ya, you know it! Enough said!

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  3. (((((HUGS))))) I understand - I do. Sharon's right about Lotus, though. So you are special to us, worthy just because you share oxygen with us. Please remember, NOWHERE in the Bible does it EVER say, "And it came to STAY" - every single time it says, "And it came to PASS", and it will.

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  4. I know exactly where you are right now because I am there myself. I have probably journaled 2 pages since I had my first knee replacement surgery over a year ago. It's not that I'm not interested--I've bought some supplies, purchased the latest books and magazines, and cruised so many of the blogs---I just can't seem to get motivated to do my own work--too busy looking at what everyone else is doing (when I'm not napping the day away or watching NCIS marathons)!! Maybe I've become so inhibited because I feel I can't measure up to the awesome work everyone else is doing. I think your new Art Journaling web site is wonderful!! I'll contribute as soon as I can get my finances in order. Stay with it--you do awesome work and you're a good teacher, too!!

    Cathy

    cathrynanne1952@aol.com

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Thank you so much for taking the time to drop by. I am open to any comments, questions, suggestions, critiques, etc, so lay it on me...
Peace & Love,
~Barb~

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