Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Trying to Shake it Off

I don’t know how many of you, my faithful readers, deal with depression but I suspect that the number is somewhat high…those with a creative/artistic side tend to also have issues with depression. I don’t know why those two aspects of our lives or personalities seem to go hand in hand but I’ve had more than one psychiatrist tell me this very thing. *shrug*

IMG_0259

My point in asking is that I have been dealing with a huge funk. Not just a little “feeling down” but an all out, don’t wanna get out of bed, can’t find any point to my days, hurting all over and just feeling like I am letting everyone around me down, including myself. It’s all but impossible to find your creative mojo when you’re in the midst of feeling like every bit of life has been drained from you and you’re just hanging on by a thread.

That is exactly how I’ve been feeling lately. I try to hold my chin up and “fake it ‘til I make it” but even that’s not working this go ‘round. I enjoyed my little trip with the hubby for my birthday but the enjoyment was only momentary…once we were back home, real life came crashing down on me and the funk hit harder than ever.

I don’t like coming here and being a downer but this is life, MY life, and I feel certain there are some of you out there that share this awful malady with me so you can understand where I’m coming from, right?

I’m doing all I can to snap myself out of it…I take my meds (oh gawd, do I ever take meds), eat right, rest good but those things aren’t doing what they usually do to help me.

I just know I’ve got to find some peace…

Wordle

So I decided to try another path…Today I got up at 5:30am (like most every other day) but I had decided that barring some crazy electrical storm, I was mowing our very large yard (about 1 1/2 acres)…and by gosh, I did it! Not only did I mow but I trimmed about 1/3 of the hedges (and I WILL finish the rest of them tomorrow morning), gathered all the fallen limbs into a pile to be burned later this week, sprayed weed killer along the fence line, cut a path through the bamboo, washed out the garbage cans and even got the outside of the fence next to the highway mown, too. About 5-6 hours of yard work done today and I feel so very accomplished!

I don’t know if it has doing anything for my depression, I’ll have to wait and see, but I feel tired…that good kind of tired that tells you that you’ve been busy and you’ve worked your muscles out more than they’re used to being worked. I think I needed to push myself into having this kind of day today…

Now if I can just push myself into working in my art journal for a while this evening, that would be killer.

I hope your Wednesday has been a good one.

Peace & Love,
Barb

7 comments:

  1. OH Gurl!! I am a morning person and get up early (before 5 AM) and take off with the sun!! Love the early mornings, but really begin crashing by about 2 PM. I get a ton of stuff done early. keep oing that kind of stuff and you will heal any depression.

    ReplyDelete
  2. sending positive vibes your way. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  3. I know that feeling Barb, wish I could say I didn't but I do. I applaud you for the yard work and also understand what a better feeling of tired you are experiencing after that...much better kind of tired! I try really hard to do things that I like, things that make me happy when I'm feeling especially down...I just keep telling myself how can I be happy if I don't do any of the things that make me happy. I know it's not as simple as those words make it sound but when you can accomplish it, just like your sense of accomplishment today it really helps! You go girl!

    ReplyDelete
  4. You are doing the right thing by trying to keep the body just MOVING....I make myself walk for 45 min. every morning and it DOES make a huge difference. Also changed meds and that is helping too. Does your doc try different meds with you? Sometimes mine work great for a couple of years, then I get low as a snake's belly for a while until med changes. Keep on keeping on!

    ReplyDelete
  5. ((HUGS HONEY)))
    I know you go thru these phases and I wish there were something I could do to help ease you out of them. But I think the physical assertiveness is good for it...keeps you moving and stirs up those endorphins and stuff. Hang in there, for this, too, shall pass. It will...just hang in there.
    Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Barb; I've been there...boy have I been there! It is very true, many if not all artists deal with some form of depression or mood disorder! I am on medication too, have been for almost 14 years now. It is so hard to motivate myself some days... but it is a very good thing to force yourself to be active. I think I read on your blog that you also have really bad arthritus and are off work now? If so, how are you feeling after all that hard work? I have really bad FM and I went swimming yesterday only to have to get my boys to help me to the car! Be careful you don't hurt yourself! I go in spurts of being so frustrated with my body that I just get up and do everything I need to get done, but then I pay for it later. Right now it's more the FM than the depression that gets to me. You can get through it, just stay strong and know that you have so many people in your life that love you and hold strong to that! God will get you through! Hugs to you. If you ever need to ask me anything about depression or whatever please feel free to email me.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I know how tough it can be. My love and prayers are with you.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you so much for taking the time to drop by. I am open to any comments, questions, suggestions, critiques, etc, so lay it on me...
Peace & Love,
~Barb~

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...