Thursday, March 4, 2010

Rambling

I’ve always wanted to be one of the cool kids…one of those cool chicas who eschews television, drinks tea, does yoga, and maybe crochet or knit. Yea, I’d love to be one of the cool women but I’ve realized that really isn’t me. I can’t be something I’m not…I can’t pretend.

Then I realized that it is the same at 44 as it was when I was in high school. I just have to be myself, like what I like, do what I enjoy and the rest will continue to fall into place.

Who am I? I am the crazy woman in the neighborhood that likes to put pink flamingos in the yard, to wear paint covered overalls to Walmart if I have to run to pick up something in the middle of painting/crafting and I drink my coffee made at home and not from Starbucks, Diet Mt. Dew, not cups of hot tea.

It’s perfectly okay to just be myself. I am the best me there is; no one can ever be me.

Just my thoughts at the moment.

Other stuff:

  • Been spending much time doing the whole doctor, tests, hospital for more tests route this week. I have type II diabetes but my pancreas is shutting down completely (leading toward being on insulin instead of oral meds); I’m having upper abdominal pain and have already had problems with my liver (and kidneys) thanks to the diabetes so they don’t know if it’s my liver or gallbladder that’s causing the pain (I should find out tomorrow); and the list goes on and on.  I’m really getting tired of dealing with all this health stuff…but what’s the alternative?
  • I looked really hard at myself this week and realized that my outward appearance reflects how I feel on the inside…blah, rundown, achy and sick…but I’m tired of that. I haven’t worn makeup in months and not regularly for years but I want to start wearing some again. I want to wear a little makeup, already got a haircut, gonna color my hair tomorrow, pluck my eyebrows, shave my legs (LOL), dress better and just try to make my outside reflect how I WANT to feel on the inside. Who knows…maybe my body will follow suit.
  • I’ve found so many new blogs that have captured my attention lately. If you’re looking for some cool places to check out, be sure to check my blog list (and click on the “see all” link). You’ll find some great art peeps, decorating blogs, crafty and thrifty chicas, lots of real women doing real things and leading real lives.
  • Oh, big news…I got contacts! I had to get glasses 2 1/2 years ago (as I was diagnosed with diabetes) but I am such a clutz that I have broken them, I forget them sometimes then I can’t see anything up close, I hate that they slide down my nose and hurt my ears…now I have contacts! YAY!!!

That’s a bit of a roundup for me.  I have a couple of art classes (both are art journaling workshops) that I’m taking right now, although I’m not able to put as much effort into it as I want to, thanks to all the doctor stuff this week (not to mention the change in meds making me sickie feeling and very tired) and I haven’t taken pics of much that I’ve done but here is one:102_4322 And with that, I think it’s time for bed.

Take care and I’ll be back soon.

Peace & Love,
Barb

11 comments:

  1. Sending lots and lots of love!!! XO!!!

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  2. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through all of these health crazies. But it sounds like you are on the right path for getting better. Go way back when you and I began first following each other's blogs. We sent each other lots of positive thoughts each day. Well we need to get back there again. So when the package arrives, just think that I am there keeping an "eye" out for you to help guide you to feeling better.

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  3. Hi, from another Barb! So sorry to hear about all the health issues. I have to agree, though, about the idea of getting back to fixing up. I tend to let those kinds of things go as well (like right now as I am finishing up painting the hall and stairwell and have no finger nails left to get that well-deserved manicure. Oh, look! that was a run-on sentence for sure. Great crafty minds think alike! My best positive thoughts are going your way. So glad I found your blog. I shall be keeping up with the new you! I'm not home so it will be an anonymous post for now. Take care, please. I want this blog around for a long time:-}

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  4. Hi, Barb! I hope that your tests go gently, easily, and smoothly, with as little pain and discomfort as possible. And I hope you're feeling better soon! :-)

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  5. beautiful journal page!...as always!!!!!!

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  6. For me, there was something so "freeing" about turning 40 a few years ago....realizing, finally, that I didn't HAVE to be anything i wasn't. That it was ok to be ME. That people did, and would, like me that way. It's been liberating!! I don't have to pretend to like things I dont anymore, or to know things I don't, or make excuses for my weaknesses, or for what others perceive to be weaknesses in me. If they don't like me...too bad. Their loss, because I'm a pretty amazing person!

    and so are you!! I love you just the way you are! overalls and all!
    xoxoo

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  7. Well, I hope your health problems vanish away and I believe your positive attitude will make that happen! I love your journal!!! And I SO know what u mean about your outside looking the way ur feeling on the inside! The way I rationalize it is by saying that my priorities do not have looks at the top but rather inner growth....as if to sound deep...that only works for so long tho!...;)

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  8. It feels like my whole life is about going to doctors and trying to feel better. I'm not as sick as you, but it gets to me, bad at times. Right now I'm trying to get back to some sort of "normal" life, a little at a time. My love and prayers are always with you.

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  9. Hi Barb!

    Hope everything goes ok for you!

    Just wanted to send you a note, I've been a lurker around here for a while, (i think we're in a couple workshops together) and love your blog. You're an awesome woman! Sending MANY good vibes your way!

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  10. Barb, you're right, those HS pressures never really go away (wanting to be in the cool crowd), but our response to them does evolve. It's funny, the pressures we put on ourselves to be a certain type, a certain way...compared to the limited energy and thought we put into just appreciating who we are, darn it all.

    Best wishes to you, hope you're on the mend soon!

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Thank you so much for taking the time to drop by. I am open to any comments, questions, suggestions, critiques, etc, so lay it on me...
Peace & Love,
~Barb~

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