From October 16, 2009:
Are there reoccurring themes in your thoughts, in your journals or other art…in your life?
I seem to gravitate back to the thought in my mind and in my art of how my life is passing by too quickly. I am so often amazed that I am really 44 years old. That just astonishes me beyond belief. I truly feel like I should still me in my 20’s…my early 20’s, at that.
How does all this time pass, all those years, in what feels like (in retrospect) the blink of an eye? How did I let them go whooshing past at the speed of sound and not appreciate every morsel of them better? So many questions flood my mind when I get off on these tangents.
- Why didn’t I take more pictures?
- Why didn’t I take more chances?
- Why didn’t I travel more?
- Why was I so worried about what others thought?
- Why did I let circumstances control me instead of me controlling the circumstances.
- Why didn’t I say YES more often?
- Why didn’t I say NO more often?
- Why didn’t I get out sooner?
- Why did I settle for less than I deserved?
I don’t really think of these things as regrets because I truly try to live my life with no regrets. I do think of the questions as “lessons” and the good thing about all those questions flooding me is that I know I still have time to do things right during rest of this life.
Remember how it was to be a kid? Back when your biggest worry was getting home before dark so your Mom didn’t have to come looking for you? I think kids have the right idea…just live and leave the worrying to those that can’t seem to do anything else but worry. My husband is a worrier…he is always thinking about all the things that could go wrong…but I am not (anymore.) I just refuse to waste anymore valuable time on things I can’t control. Being happy is so much more fun than stressing out over things that may never come to pass anyway. I try to do all that I can about everything that I can. Above that, worrying gets me no where so I just can’t waste my time or energy on it.
I think it’s even rubbing off on my husband, too. He seems to be worrying less these days.
Ah, Life. Such an overwhelming subject.
Peace & Love,