Saturday, August 29, 2009

Trying to Keep on Keepin’ On

“Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.”
~George Elliot

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I have been off work since finishing up Monday evening about 7:30pm. I thought that having this extended time to myself would give me the inclination to blog more, do more art, do some much needed housework, list some things on Etsy and more.

Did it?

Pfft! Not quite.

I think I’m falling back into a funk of sorts. I’m still creating, doing work in my art journal(s), but that urgent NEED to do some of the things that I want to do (in my head) and things that I know need to be done just isn’t there. I find myself wanting to sleep much more than I should…except late at night. It is then that I am filled with the urge to create, to write, to be alive!

I’ve been to the doc and she doesn’t seem to think it’s anymore than just a normal part of the cyclic life I live…a mild case (in her words) of manic-depression (aka bi-polar disorder). No change in meds but the encouragement to get more time outside in the sunshine, more exercise, and to just keep on keeping on.

That doesn’t solve anything for me. I am not one of those people that wants a pill to cure everything, by any means, but I’m also not stupid and know that this is not something I am able to overcome on my own…I’ve tried. For years, I’ve tried, and it’s just not working. I just don’t know what to do at this point except try hard to keep on keepin’ on.

I do know that without my art journaling, I would probably go completely insane (as opposed to the partially insane that I’m holding on to right now.) Each night, when the urges keep me wide awake, that is when my art journal(s) and I have these nice long visits. It is my friend, often times I feel as if it is my only friend, and we create together and share pain, anger, fear, sadness, joy, happiness and every other emotion that is engulfing me.

I have this dream of creating a workshop for art journaling here locally and I was working toward that end when I went back to work and that dream slowly fell by the wayside. Recently a Twitter friend and I decided to work on trying to get an art fest set up here in the South (since all the good ones are so very far away) and my inability to focus or even to feel that urge just isn’t there. I need to write a letter to someone asking for their feedback and ideas on making this art fest idea a reality…yet, I haven’t done that. And I’ve had all week to work on it.

I see what I’m doing (or failing to do) but I can’t help but be flooded with the feeling that, no matter how small the action may be, it’s just far too overwhelming to even begin anything, much less complete them.

So, I think you all can see why I haven’t had much to say this week.

But, as the old cliche` goes, this too shall pass.

I have been saving some things I like online HERE and journal pages that I find inspiring HERE. I’d love for you to take a look and maybe you’ll find something that strikes you or inspires you or just makes you think or laugh at one or another of them.

I hope you’re all doing splendidly.

Peace & Love,
Barb

13 comments:

  1. Hang in there! Like the saying goes, it's always darkest before the dawn. :-)

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  2. ya aren't alone m'dear...i have the same reversed clock
    and i LOVE this journal page!!!
    tired is my middle name..
    i don't get nearly the things done i should anymore...
    i think about all these desireable or necessary activities
    then don't get to them...
    hang in there m'dear...i hope knowing you aren't alone
    helps
    :)

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  3. Thank you so much for sharing those inpirational links! I absolutely LOVED them!! :)

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  4. You will get back on track when you are ready, nothing you or anyone else can do can change that. You know that creativity comes in spurts, and sometimes we just have to wait for them.

    As for the other stuff, Bah! It will all work itself out when the time is right. The more you stress about it, the more impossible it will seem.

    Just be you, and do what you can, when you can, and realize that that is enough for now. :)

    I hope this will cheer you up!! I left something for you over at Candles, Crafts and Whatnot. Congrats!

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  5. Don't worry about it :)
    I sent you a link to something way more low-key than we were thinking. May be a good place to start!

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  6. Barb, I too seem to be nocturnal which is bad b/c I have to be up no later than 5:15 every morning. I also seem to share your desire to do so much on my time and I end up not getting much accomplished. All I can say is to NOT be hard on yourself. You are only one person and there is no deadline for these things you want to do.

    Take it easy! Don't put so much pressure on yourself :)

    Renee

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  7. Sending smiles your way! I hope things clear up soon and that you'll find what you need to get the workshop organized! Happy you are finding peace in your journal again!

    Hugs,
    sheree

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  8. Hey Sis in the Universe, glad to see you are about. If you have looked at my blog lately it will show you what work in the real world does to art journaling.............turns it invisible. hang in there. Sharon

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  9. I'm glad you have your journaling now to help with those "hard times". I remember when you didnt!
    I like that first link you posted.the karma one.
    you always find the neatest things!!

    I love you..wish we were closer!!
    xoxo

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  10. Hey, Barb! I go through ruts, too, and I'm getting better at recognizing them and digging my way out. Art journaling definitely helps, so keep at it when the inspiration strikes. Even just sitting down and doodling a little helps me. Sometimes I just have to say to myself, "Snap out of it!" and push myself to get up and create or DO something...

    I hope you feel better soon... Hugs to you!

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  11. Hi, Barb! Hang in there! I think we all have rough patches from time to time. The thing is, we wouldn't appreciate how smooth the ride is the other times if we didn't have a rough patch or two to mix it up. Just ride it out and enjoy the smooth when it returns! :-)

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  12. There is an ad on TV for some kind of depression medication. It has a toy woman with a key in her back and it says something like, I feel like I have to wind myself up everyday. I know the feeling. I've been having a lot of medical problems and haven't done much art at all. Finally after about two months, I think I've found some good doctors for my GI and Lupus. Maybe soon, I'll start to feel better. it may take months though. I really can't thank you enough for introducing me to Zentangles. When I do feel well enough, I can do some of them and I feel better.

    My love and prayers are very much with you. If I had your addy, I'd send you a bit of art.

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  13. Hi Barb ~

    Thanks for participating in the BellaKarma.com contest! The winner was announced on Sunday -- you may wanna check it out! =)

    www.bellakarma.blogspot.com

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Thank you so much for taking the time to drop by. I am open to any comments, questions, suggestions, critiques, etc, so lay it on me...
Peace & Love,
~Barb~

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